I try to look at the good in each day but it’s hard. I am always the one people look at to be the strong one. Do you know how hard it is to be the strong one all the time? Sometimes I want to be the weak one, who gets to cry and get my feelings out and not have to listen to any one else’s. I want time to be the selfish one.

I know, stop whining Casey! You’ve got this. But in reality this time there are days that I just don’t have it. My heart hurts more than it ever has. Most days I can keep my self busy to keep going but there are days that I just can’t breathe. Or I am trying to remind myself how to.

Though in reality I know that my son’s death is not my fault I still hold the guilt of it. I probably always will. So to fight my guilt I work extra hard everyday to make sure every moment counts for him. I want to live more unselfishly like him. I want to give the whole world a little bit of my son. Because in my eyes everyone deserves that. Maybe if more people had more of Morgans in their lives there wouldn’t be so much evil in the universe.

I look at the life Morgan lived. He probably had no idea what he did for others because that was just who he was a human. Why can’t we all be a little more like that. Why can’t we all take a breath before speaking to one another and remind ourselves that we all are going through things. No one’s life is perfect. We all have worries. We all have what if’s. We all have sorrows. So Why can’t we just take a step back and be kind to one another. That is definitely a lesson that I am taking away from all of this. I want there to be more good in the world. I want to be to be able to see a stranger smile because though they were having a bad day, I was able to give them a good moment. Maybe that will help heal my heart some. I don’t know if it will but it’s worth a try, right?